The Relay Devotionals

And God Was Smiling

By Maria Siddons

I was born, Maria Antoinette Cordisco into an Italian/Irish household. In such a family strict Catholic upbringing was the focus. Throughout my childhood I was raised with all the rituals associated with the church, Catholic school, Communion, Confirmation, holy days, festivals, etc.

Even with all this surrounding my life I never connected spiritually. No matter how hard I tried, none of it touched my heart. I tried desperately to grasp that elusive thing called faith. Yet, God was foreign, remote, and even frightening to me.

I read the “Lives of the Saints” and yearned for that God-inspired passion that they possessed. I felt lost as I watched my relatives’ complete devotion to God and church. It was an unsettling and confusing time. (And God was smiling)

Graduation from high school and I was off to Catholic College. It was my first taste of personal freedom coming from a strict, controlling family situation. Although I still had a need for God in my life it was the 60’s, and according to the media “God was dead”.

I stopped going to church or receiving the sacraments. It was a time of selfish self-absorption. But life did not seem to hold any true meaning at that time. As college students are prone to do, I engaged in countless arguments on the “meaning of life” and had solutions to all of the world’s problems and none of them included God. (And God smiled)

Graduation loomed again and I made yet another bad decision for my life. Without realizing it at the time, I married the wrong man! I wanted to be in love and most of all I wanted to start a family. Children were THE most important issue for me. Finally, I thought to myself, finally I will be able to connect with God when I bear a child. The miracle of birth held such fascination for me and I truly believed that I would find God only in the delivery room! So I threw down the challenge to God. Give me a child and I will have faith!

Years went by with countless doctor’s visits, medications, surgeries, all to no avail. I was an emotional and psychological wreck. Why could I not do what almost every woman could do and bear a child?? Why was I being punished in this cruel way?? Why would God not reveal Himself to me so that I could have the faith I so desperately needed? I shook my fists at the heavens in frustration. (I know that God was smiling at this point, because His plan was already working and ever so much better)

One day as I was changing channels on the TV I happened to see a program promoting international adoptions. There, on the TV, was a beautiful baby girl from Korea. My heart stopped. I gazed at her perfect little face and my heart melted. I got the name of the agency and we called the next day. Yes, they were accepting applications; yes, they had healthy infants to adopt. The process would be long and involved, but if everything went well, we would be able to adopt.

Days and weeks went by (ever so slowly for us) and we jumped into the adoption process. Tons of paperwork to be filled out, medical exams, visits from our caseworker and most of all WAITING. During this time I allowed myself to start a dialogue with God to please allow us to have a child, to let everything go well.

Months passed --six to be specific -- and at 10 o’clock one night the phone rang. My husband turned from the phone and said, “How would you feel about a baby girl born on Feb. 18^th?” It was March 1! I sobbed with joy as our neighbors and friends joined us to celebrate. The next day we raced to the agency to see a small black and white picture of the baby! OUR BABY!!! There were no words to describe our joy. She was beautiful and perfect and OURS! (And God smiled)

Three long months went by while all the papers and travel visas were readied. At 10 p.m. on May 26, 1976 at 10 pm at Kennedy Airport an escort handed me my precious Jessica. Sobbing as I gazed into her beautiful face, I felt the hand of God on my shoulder. The God whom I had denied, whom I had challenged, whom I cried out to in frustration, had not been punishing me at all. He had been preparing me for one of the most special blessings of my life! This was a true miracle in every sense. No child could ever have been more wanted or loved. And God wasn’t finished yet!

On March 7, 1978 at 7 p.m. at Kennedy Airport a second beautiful and precious child was placed in my arms. Looking into Melissa’s face made me realize how perfect God’s plan was. Another wonderful child had been given to me though God’s intervention. How great and wise is our God!!! My heart was overflowing with love and gratitude.

But God was still smiling because the divine plan was not yet complete. Years after the children arrived, God inspired me to start an infertility support group to help couples who were struggling, the way we had struggled with the problem of infertility. Once a year we would provide adoption information for those couples who were contemplating adoption. Many of the couples decided to adopt internationally.

One day I was going to my friend’s house to celebrate her daughter’s 2^nd birthday. (She and her husband had adopted 2 children from Korea.) As I turned to enter their backyard I stopped. As I looked into the yard I saw 8 Korean toddlers playing in the yard, all children of members of our support group. It was then I understood the immensity of God’s plan. God would not only bless me with my children, but used me as His instrument to bring numerous children home to their forever families All my struggles, all the nights and days of sadness, were to achieve this wonderful moment. And GOD WAS SMILING.

Maria Siddons is a loyal, faithful member of Middletown United Methodist Church, Middletown, NJ.

Greater New Jersey Annual Conference